


just jamais vu

by justawordshaker (thegloryofspring)



Series: deja vu [2]
Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Alternate Universe - Magical Realism, Aromantic, Asexuality, Canon Compliant, Gen, M/M, Magical Realism, OT4, OT5, Panic Attacks, Post-Zayn One Direction
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-09-27
Updated: 2018-09-26
Packaged: 2019-07-18 03:07:43
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 5,804
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16109504
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/thegloryofspring/pseuds/justawordshaker
Summary: Companion pieces to "like deja vu." Scenes written from different POVs, missing scenes, etc. posted to AO3 from the original Tumblr posts.





	1. magic trick

**Author's Note:**

> This first scene is a missing scene. It fits into Chapter One, after Niall's panic attack backstage when Louis and Harry leave the room.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This is a missing scene. It fits into Chapter One, after Niall's panic attack backstage when Louis and Harry leave the room.

“What happened in there?” Louis asks firmly.

Harry avoids his gaze, keeping his eyes fixed on his feet while they walk around people in the hall. Harry doesn’t  _know_ what happened. He only knows that he made it worse. That something was wrong with Niall and he tried to fix it and just made it worse.

“We were just talking,” he says lowly, not wanting anyone to overhear. The crew are people they care about, people that they trust, but some things are just for him and the boys. Enough of their lives are public knowledge. Some things should just be for  _them_.

“Niall doesn’t get panic attacks from _just talking_ , Harry,” Louis snaps, but his voice matches Harry’s pitch.

“I don’t know what to tell you,” Harry says firmly. “We were talking and he stood up and he looked like he was going to pass out.”

“Passing out and having anxiety attacks aren’t the same thing.”

Harry keeps his mouth shut. Louis stops, quick and sudden and Harry stumbles to a stop to match him. Louis grabs his arm and drags him through a door. He lets go of Harry’s arm as soon as they’re through the door, but looks up at him carefully. His eyes are narrowed and there’s something in the way he looks at him that makes Harry feel like he can’t hide anything.

He was never much good at hiding things from Louis anyway.

“You did your thing on him, didn’t you?” Louis asks, but Harry can hear that it isn’t a question. He already knows that’s exactly what Harry did. “You tried to fix it. You tried to use your trick on him.”

“It’s not a trick,” he protests. “You know it isn’t.”

“But you used it on Niall,” Louis interrupts. “You tried to stop Niall from getting upset.”

Harry looks away and shrugs. “He said his head felt funny. I thought…”

“You thought you could stop him from having a panic attack. Fucking  _hell_ , Harry.”

Harry looks up. Louis has spun around so his back is to him, but Harry can see the anger in the line of his shoulders and the way his back looks tense under his shirt. He hates it. He hates it the way he has always hated when Louis is mad at him. He hates it and wants to fight it, prove that he wasn’t wrong. That Louis is mad for no reason.

Harry knows Louis is right this time. It doesn’t stop his chest from feeling like it’s burning.

“I wanted to help,” he says firmly, biting back any other protestations. The _it used to help you_ and  _you used to try and make me use it more_ , the  _you knew I tried with Zayn and never said anything_. He knows it won’t help, no matter how much he wants to stop himself from biting his tongue.

Louis stopped thinking Harry’s infectious emotions made him special a long time ago. He hasn’t acknowledged it in years except to do his best to avoid being close enough for Harry to touch.

“And how did that work out?” Louis’ voice is all poison and fury and Harry wants to be mad. He wants to balk at Louis’ tone.

He can’t. Because whether Niall knows it or not, he made things worse.

“I didn’t think - “

“That’s for fucking sure,” Louis interrupts.

“You don’t get it,” Harry says harshly. “You never have. It’s not like I decided, ‘oh, you know what? How about I try and stop Niall from having a panic attack. I’m not having one, I can just make him feel that.’ I know that wouldn’t work. I just wanted to help him. I thought it was one of his headaches. I thought I could help that much, at least.”

Louis glares. “I’m not actually an idiot, Harry. If you thought that would help his headaches you would have done it a week ago.”

“I didn’t know what to do!” Harry shouts, not able to stop himself. “It was worse this time and I thought it would help! It’s helped you - “

Louis shoves past him, trying to reach the door. Harry grabs his arm before he can reach it. Louis slaps his hand away, flinching away from his touch, but he doesn’t try to move for the door.

“I’m not fucking doing this,” he says roughly.

“I thought it would  _help_ ,” Harry repeats, needing Louis to understand. He doesn’t know what they’re doing, but he needs Louis to understand. They’ve avoided this fight for years, tiptoed around it and ignored it and pretended like they weren’t furious with each other and furious with themselves.

Harry’s not sure if either of them can handle actually dealing with the fallout. It’s been too long. Some things can’t be fixed once they’re broken.

He won’t let Louis think he would so casually put Niall at risk. Seeing his face go blank and skin go ashen terrified him. He’s had so many headaches lately, has always seemed to be feeling ill, seeing his face lose all its colour terrified him. He couldn’t just stand there. He didn’t think it was anything but a migraine. He didn’t  _know_.

“You can’t do that,” Louis replies viciously. “Niall’s not the same as me.  _I’m_  not the same anymore. You can’t do that and expect it to be okay.”

“If I can do something to help, I’m going to try. I can’t just stand there and do nothing.”

Louis raises his eyebrow and takes an angry step forward. “Yeah? What if the next time you try to calm him down, he stops breathing when you stop? It’s too dangerous. He doesn’t need your magic trick, he needs  _us_.”

Harry meets Louis’ gaze, refusing to back down. He knows Louis is right about using his ability to try and help someone else. He can make someone feel what he feels, but it doesn’t last. Sometimes it helps anyway. Sometimes it doesn’t matter.

“What if that’s not enough?”

He sees the flicker of understanding in Louis’ eyes. Knows that he can hear what’s unspoken.  _What if_ we  _aren’t enough anymore?_

“Then it won’t matter, will it? You won’t be able to help anyway.”

Harry can hear what Louis isn’t saying.  _We weren’t enough for Zayn and you didn’t help then._

Harry can feel the guilt burning in his stomach, but fear makes his fingers feel numb and icy. He doesn’t want to let this go. He doesn’t want to give it up. Sometimes it feels like the band is the only thing keeping him on the ground, that if not for his job and the boys he would get blown away.

Half the time it feels like they’re close to shattering and no matter how hard they try, they won’t be able to put the pieces back together again. Harry doesn’t know how to keep it from happening.

“I didn’t mean…I would never hurt Niall. Not on purpose. I wanted to help.”

Louis sighs and for the first time, the lines in his face aren’t sharp. “He knows that,” Louis says. “Everyone knows that. As far as he knows, you haven’t hurt him at all. He doesn’t know about your mumbo jumbo.”

“‘S’not mumbo jumbo,” Harry mumbles.

“Sure it’s not,” Louis says, voice sharper than it might be if he were joking with Liam or Niall, but there’s no real heat behind it. “Make sure Dan or Sandy check Niall’s guitars. I’m gonna - “

Harry nods. “Yeah, all right.”

Louis pauses in the doorway for a moment. The door swings shut behind him and Harry drags a hand through his hair. He has to go and get ready for the show, but he can’t make his legs move yet. He can’t get the look on Niall’s face out of his mind. 


	2. what goes unspoken

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> This scene is an alternate POV of the Trekstock Charity Event depicted in Chapter Two.

“I’m proud of you. Really proud.”

Louis swallows and looks up. He’s half afraid Niall is just saying it to make him feel better. It feels like no matter how much he does, it’s never enough. Like no matter how much he works at something, he could have worked harder at it. 

But he can feel that Niall isn’t joking. He can feel the way he genuinely wants Louis to know, a low and warm feeling of  _I want you to understand._ It’s familiar and knowing that it isn’t  _him_  feeling it, that it’s Niall feeling it about  _him_  - Louis doesn’t know what to say. Niall is looking at him, waiting for him to respond, but all he can do is nod. His voice feels like it’s stuck in his throat. 

Feeling Niall’s pride makes him want to run. He doesn’t feel like he’s done enough to deserve it. What does Niall have to be proud of, really? What good is helping other people feel comfortable when he can’t help the people he cares about most? What good is trying to help other artists when he’s the one that should have been able to convince Zayn to stay?

Suddenly, Louis feels dizzy. He can’t breathe for a long moment that feels like it stretches out into hours. He wants to make a break for the dance floor and laugh, but he doesn’t know why. His head feels heavy and drunk in a way that he shouldn’t be feeling after only a glass or two of champagne. He feels so angry that it’s boiling up in his limbs and he wants to  _hit_ something. 

He has to get out.

He feels like he can’t move properly. It’s like his body isn’t really his. He feels disconnected from it, too many other people shoved into his head at once. He can’t tell what’s him and what’s not, doesn’t know if there’s even anything left of  _him._

He throws his hand against the wall as soon as he’s out the doors and in he hall. He feels like he can barely hold himself up. 

Niall’s behind him. He’s behind him and he’s worried. Louis can feel it like it belongs to him. The worry, the shock, the confusion, the wanting to reach out and just  _do_  something.

“Don’t - “ Louis says, voice sounding thick even in his own ears. “Just - stay there.”

Niall doesn’t move. He still wants to step closer. He wants to touch Louis and make sure he’s okay, but he doesn’t move. 

He won’t move until Louis says it’s okay.

He can still feel the people inside the ballroom. Can still feel all the drunken anger and laughter bubbling up inside of him and it’s too much. But it all starts to fade under Niall. 

Louis swallows and turns, pressing his back against the wall and closing his eyes. He presses his head against the wall and tries to breathe. 

“Lou, you all right?”

Niall’s voice is quiet and Louis opens his eyes for a moment. Niall’s glowing under the fluorescent lights and Louis can feel how much Niall wants to step closer.

He closes his eyes and focuses on breathing, tries to ignore the desperate concern clawing at the inside of his head that doesn’t belong to him. 

“Sorry,” Louis says as he breathes out. “Sorry, just… felt sick all of a sudden.”

“Louis, what happened?”

Louis takes a deep breath and slides down the wall. His jacket pulls at his arms, too tight for him to brace them against his knees. He does it anyway and hangs his head down. He doesn’t know if he can explain it. Doesn’t know if he has the words. 

“It was the… you know, emotion thing. Was fine one minute then it was like I couldn’t breathe. Think I started feeling everything everyone in there was feeling? Wanted to… I don’t know. Go out dancing and go to bed and hit something and be sick all at once.”

It’s never been so bad before. He hasn’t had other people’s emotions inside his head for very long, but it’s never felt like that before. It never made him feel like he didn’t belong inside his own body. It never made him feel like he could just disappear.

“And now?”

Louis sighs and tries to focus. He feels worn out and scared and tired. He feels like he hasn’t slept in days. 

“Just me, I think.” 

He let’s his head fall backwards and it smacks against the wall. It hurts, but at least he knows it’s  _him._  

There’s still worry inside of his head too. Scared and worried about what is going on. Louis thinks it might not all be him.

“Maybe a bit of you,” he says. “Worried ‘bout me.”

“‘Course I am,” Niall replies. “Can I…?”

He gestures towards Louis and Louis knows he wants to come closer. Wants to sit down with him. Louis doesn’t know if he wants to say yes because it’s what  _he_ wants or if it’s because Niall wants to be close. 

He nods anyway and Niall settles down beside him, leaving plenty of space between them. 

“Has it happened like this before?”

Louis shrugs and the space between them feels like a chasm. It’s less than a meter, but after the easy warmth they just had, it feels insurmountable. Niall can’t reach out and touch Louis - he doesn’t know how it works. Is it stronger if Louis’ touching someone? Or does it not matter? Niall doesn’t know. He doesn’t want to make things worse because he wasn’t careful enough.

“Not really,” Louis says, knowing how stiff he sounds. He wants to reach across the space between them and touch Niall and knows he can’t, knows that it might just make things worse. 

He knows that he’s not the one feeling that. He knows it’s Niall. Niall wanting to reach out and make sure he’s okay, Niall not wanting to make things worse, Niall wanting to be careful with him.

“Made sense before, I guess? Was onstage and knew why people felt the way they did, the way they were making me feel. Or it was when I came in and Harry and Liam were scared and you were having your attack. Had… context, I guess.”

“But you didn’t have that now. Everyone in there was focused on something different.”

“Yeah,” Louis replies. He’s so  _tired._  “Not sure what I’m supposed to do with this, if I’m honest.”

Niall doesn’t say anything. He holds out his hand, letting it hang between them. Louis blinks and looks at it and all the worry and fear of making things worse fades away.

All he feels is love. All encompassing and too big for his skin and warm. It fills him up and makes him feel like he could do anything. It’s love and pride and joy and everything Louis has ever felt for Niall and Liam and Harry and Zayn reflected back at him. 

Louis feels like he could cry if he gave himself the chance.

He puts his hand in Niall’s and feels gratitude and love and comfort so overwhelming he wonders what Niall is thinking about, to make him feel this way. Is it something Louis did? Is this what Niall meant when he said Louis makes people feel safe?

Louis tightens his fingers around Niall’s and feels like he can finally relax. “You doing that on purpose?”

Niall doesn’t reply. He just squeezes Louis’ fingers. Louis closes his eyes and leans his head back against the wall again. Niall’s thumb rubs against his skin and he just breathes, so intensely grateful for everything that Niall is that he doesn’t know how to speak.


	3. spaces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> An alternate POV of the skype call in Chapter Two.

“Li and I were talking a bit.” 

He looks at Liam, still unsure about how this conversation is going to go. It’s something they have to talk about, but Louis knows that it isn’t going to go smoothly. 

“Never a good sign,” Niall says, trying to joke.

Louis rolls his eyes, holding back a grin. He doesn’t take the bait, though. This is too serious.

“We need to know something, all right? Before we do anymore writing. It affects all of us, yeah?”

He can feel Liam stiffen next to him, can feel his nerves seeping into his own head. Niall and Harry both frown, faces side-by-side on Liam’s laptop screen.

“You want to have a vote on something?” Niall asks.

Louis sighs in relief. He doesn’t know how Niall does that, how he just  _knows_ what Louis is trying to say. 

“Yeah,” he says, Liam’s quiet nervous energy snaking down to his fingertips. “A vote.”

“A vote on what?” Harry asks. His voice crackles over the speakers and Louis can’t help but tap his fingers against his leg. He sounds so fucking  _suspicious_  and Louis doesn’t know if he wants to strangle him or walk out. 

He lets out a long breath through his nose. They have to get through this. 

“If we write songs about people leaving, they’ll make it about Zayn.”

They all freeze. Niall’s face goes blank and Harry’s cheeks look fuller and he can feel a sharp ache behind his breastbone that doesn’t belong to him. A long, drawn-out kind of hurt that feels too big and too small all at once. 

It doesn’t belong to him, but it’s familiar all the same.

“Jesus Christ,” Niall says, breaking the silence. His face is contorted and he starts laughing. It sounds nervous and too loud, but it isn’t anxious laughter. It’s not the laugh he gets when a room gets too tense.

The ache in his chest turns sharp and confused. It feels  _wobbly_ and makes him feel like he’s being dangled upside-down.Louis didn’t know that something could feel like that. 

“Niall?” Liam asks, sounding just as confused as the ache inside Louis’ chest.

“Sorry. Christ. A flash. Just had a flash. Sorry.”

Niall shakes his head over and over again, rubbing a hand over his face. The strange bubble of laughter fades out of his voice, but Louis thinks he looks like someone who has been spun around in a circle too fast.

“Sorry,” Niall repeats.

“Are you okay?” Harry sounds worried and Louis doesn’t blame him. Niall doesn’t look fine at all. 

“I’m all right. Was just… different. A shock. I’m fine.”

Harry frowns and Louis can feel the ache in his chest shift to something more spiky around the edges. Something worried and afraid. He doesn’t take his eyes off Niall. 

He doesn’t think he can get echoes off of people from so far away. But he looks at Niall and it’s almost the same. He just  _knows._  He knows that Niall isn’t really okay, but he can’t talk about it. He knows that whatever Niall saw, the flash wasn’t normal. 

“All right,” Louis says, keeping his eyes on Niall and making sure he’s right and Niall wants them to move on. “Back to the vote, then. Do we risk all the attention and questions about him or avoid it as much as we can?”

Niall starts to bite at his thumbnail. Harry’s face is carefully blank. Nervous energy spreads down his arms and Louis clenches his fist. Liam taps his fingers next to him.

“We’ve never let the risk of something affect our music before,” Harry says.

“We haven’t, but there hasn’t been as big of a risk before,” Louis replies. “Shifting our sound isn’t on the same level as this.”

“We’ll get the questions anyway. Nothing we do or don’t do is going to stop them from coming.”

Louis doesn’t know if Niall is saying they should do it anyway or not. He’s right, but he can’t tell which Niall would rather have.

“Maybe not,” Harry says, tone as carefully blank as his face. “I don’t think we should fuel the fire, though.”

Niall frowns and Louis can see the frustration start to sink into his jawline 

“What are you saying, Haz? You want to hold ourselves back when it won’t stop anything?”

“Boys - “ Liam says next to him. Harry cuts him off before he can try to inercede.

“That’s not what I mean.”

“Say what you mean, then.”

“There’s a difference between songs that could be about Zayn and songs that are about him. I just don’t know if we should write songs that are really about him.”

Niall shakes his head and Louis feels a little surprised that he isn’t the one fighting with Harry right now. He expected this conversation to be rocky, but he didn’t expect to feel like he had to play peacekeeper. 

“To us, maybe. But to the rest of the world? There won’t be a difference at all. They’ll make any song about him. We shouldn’t say no to a song just because everyone will make it about him. We’ve never let anything like that stop us before.”

“It’s different now,” Harry replies, as stubborn as ever.

“Yeah, it is,” Niall snaps, sounding just as obstinate, “but if we’re going to keep doing this, we need to do it right.”

Louis wants to say something. He knows why Harry is being so stubborn. He wishes he didn’t. All of this shit would be so much easier if he didn’t still understand how Harry’s head worked. 

But he does. He knows that it has less to do with what people will say and more with what people will think. He’s always been more worried about that than the rest of them. He hides it better now. Louis isn’t sure if Liam or Niall know how much that still bothers him.

Even before Louis started getting echoes of what other people felt, he knew how desperately Harry wanted to control how people thought of him. Louis isn’t sure what infuriated him more - that Harry could be so dedicated to controlling how people saw him or that he was so  _good_  at it.

“Harry,” Niall says, voice gentler around the edges, “we want the album to be great, yeah? That won’t happen if we keep ourselves from writing a certain way.”

“It’s going to be hard enough. I just don’t want to make it worse.”

“Niall’s right, though,” Louis finally says. “I don’t think there’s anything we can do to help it. I’d rather we write honestly and damn it all.”

“That’s easy to say now.” Harry sounds annoyed and surly, but not upset. 

“Maybe,” Louis replies, drawing out a pause and making sure Harry won’t take anything the wrong way, “but we want to make this album the best we can.”

“Some of our best songs are ones you’ve written, H. And they haven’t been ones about butterflies and sunshine, either,” Niall tells him seriously.

Harry’s face twists up, trying to hide how pleased he is at the compliment.

“Hey, don’t underestimate me, Niall. I could write an amazing song about sunshine and butterflies.”

“‘Course you could,” Liam replies. If it were anyone else, it would sound sarcastic. Liam just sounds genuine.

“I just think we owe it to the fans to try and be honest,” Louis says quietly. “We’re going to have to bend the truth and pretend nothing is wrong enough. The least we can do is be honest with the album.”

Louis looks back and forth between Niall and Harry. He needs them to agree. He and Liam are already on the same page, but he needs Niall and Harry to say it’s okay. He needs them to say it’s okay.

This entire situation is fucked. He lies awake at night and wonders how it’ll ever work itself out. If Louis can’t write about it, can’t get it  _out_  somehow, he doesn’t know what he’ll do.

“All right,” Harry says, voice small and still a little unsure. “Honest it is, then.”


	4. a start

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> A non-canonical scene set in the universe of deja vu.

Liam has a plan. It isn’t a good plan. He knows it isn’t a good plan. In fact, it’s a plan that has a huge chance of ending terribly. 

But he has to try. The opportunity is too good to pass up and he has to at least  _try._ Louis and Zayn are both too stubborn. He knows that he can’t fix things for them, but he can at least make them give it a  _chance._

It’s Zayn’s birthday and they’re in LA. He and Louis and Niall are all in LA and it’s Zayn’s birthday and he’s having a party. Zayn mentioned planning it to Liam when they talked a few weeks ago. 

It wasn’t an invitation. Not really. But Liam knows that Zayn wouldn’t have mentioned it if he didn’t want Liam there. A lot of things feel weird with Zayn now. He doesn’t quite know how to talk to him the same way yet. It’s hard to talk to him. Liam wants to make things okay with Zayn again. But it’s hard. It’s hard to ignore everything that’s happened in the past year. 

He wants to tell Zayn he gets it. He wants to tell Zayn he understands now - he didn’t before, but he understands now. 

He wants to tell Zayn about his flashes. But every time he thinks about saying something, his voice gets stuck in his throat.

Liam might not be able to do much, but he can make sure Louis and Zayn are in the same space. He can try and get them to talk. 

It’s not nice. Liam knows that it isn’t kind. But he thinks it has to be done.

“Hey,” Liam says, trying to sound casual. He’s never been the best actor, but Louis can’t know that anything strange is going on. “You boys wanna go out?”

Louis and Niall are nestled together on the sofa. It’s not any different from how they might have sat together a few years ago. Except it is now. It’s different and isn’t different all at once. Liam can’t quite wrap his head around it yet. He knows Louis and Niall are  _together_ , but they don’t act any different than they did before. It makes complete sense and no sense all at once.

Liam might have mentioned that to Louis once. Louis might have laughed in his face. 

“You have someplace in mind, Payno?” Niall asks, raising an eyebrow. 

“Might do,” he replies without explaining. 

Louis grins and looks over at Niall. He raises his eyebrows and Niall laughs, rolling his eyes and nodding. “All right, then. If you want to go out so much”

“C’mon now, Nialler,” Louis says imperiously, standing and holding out a hand to Niall. “Don’t want anyone to think we’ve gone and gotten boring, do we?”

Niall rolls his eyes again and slaps his hands into Louis’, pulling himself up and twining his fingers with Louis’. Liam grins and Louis drags Niall into the bedroom to change clothes. Liam shifts back and forth a little nervously, texting Paddy and waiting at the door. He wonders if he should text Zayn - ask if it’s okay that he comes. 

He shakes his head and types out a message to Zayn. A quick  _mind if i pop by ur party mate?_ If Zayn says no, then they can just have a night out. 

“You’ve got something planned.”

Liam jumps and turns at the sound of Niall’s voice. He’s changed into more club appropriate clothes and has his arms folded across his chest. 

“Well… I mean…”

“What are you up to?” Niall asks, voice pitched low so it doesn’t carry.

Liam bites his lip. “I want to take Louis to Zayn’s birthday party.” 

For a second, Liam is afraid he said it so fast that Niall didn’t even hear him right. Then Niall sighs. 

“You know how bad this could end, yeah?”

“It might not, though,” Liam replies.

Niall shakes his head. “Li, I don’t know - “

“All right, boys, let’s hit the town!” Louis interrupts, voice loud and crashing between Liam and Niall. 

Niall is looking at Liam warily, but Liam doesn’t know when they’ll have this chance again. He knows Louis and Zayn miss each other. They’re both hurt and stubborn, but they miss each other. They might never fix things if they aren’t pushed. 

Paddy drives them and halfway to the club, Liam’s phone lights up with a text. He glances over at Louis to make sure he won’t try to read over Liam’s shoulder, but he’s distracted by Niall. He’s pulling at his sleeve and grinning while he kisses Niall’s cheek soundly. Niall tries to shove him away, but Liam can see him blushing. 

Liam looks down at his phone.  _yah sure itll be wicked._

As soon as they walk in the club, Liam is tense. He knows that if Louis were focusing on him he would notice. But all of his attention is fixed on Niall. He’s sure Louis will take one look at something around them and realise it’s not a normal club. That it’s a party and that it’s  _Zayn’s_ party. 

“Dance?” Louis asks Niall, eyes bright in the low lighting. 

Niall shakes his head and laughs, more of an exhale than real laughter. “Yeah, Lou, we can dance.”

Louis smiles so wide his eyes are almost closed and then he’s pulling Niall onto the dance floor. Liam watches them go with a grin before looking around the room. He wants to find Zayn before Zayn sees Louis or Niall. He just needs to explain - 

There. He’s on the other side of the room, easier to spot now with his hair dyed and sticking straight up. He looks good. Content and happy. 

Liam’s stomach turns. He’s not sure if it’s a good feeling or not.

Zayn looks up and catches Liam’s eye and his face goes soft. Liam’s not sure if he’s going to turn around and walk away or come over. The look on his face is equal parts fondness and conflict. 

At least Liam’s not the only one who doesn’t know what he’s doing.

Zayn’s jaw sets and he steps towards Liam.

“’Ey, babe,” Zayn says when the meet halfway. They’re right next to a sculpture that is so  _Zayn_ Liam would be surprised if Zayn didn’t make it himself. 

Zayn smiles at him easily, but Liam sees the way his hands are shoved into his pockets. The way he stops himself far enough away from Liam that they could just have a normal conversation, pretend that nothing was different about Zayn standing so much farther away than he normally would. 

Liam steps closer and wraps his arms around Zayn’s shoulders, bending his head so his face is pressed against Zayn’s shoulder. When Zayn’s hands settle on his back, he has to close his eyes and press his face harder against Zayn’s shoulder.

He’s never been away from Zayn this long before. Not since they met.

“Missed you,” he murmurs into Zayn’s shirt, trying to sound less teary than he feels.

Zayn’s hands press against Liam’s back harder. “Missed you too, Leeyum.” His voice is familiar and sandpaper smooth in his ear and Liam almost forgot how his name sounded in Zayn’s voice.

Liam steps back. “Zayn, listen - “

“I didn’t realise you were so fucking  _sneaky,_  Payno.”

Liam jumps and turns at the sound of Louis’ voice. He isn’t looking at Zayn. Louis is  _very pointedly_  not looking at Zayn. Niall is standing just behind Louis and his eyes are fixed on Zayn. Liam notices, with a shock, that Zayn and Niall’s hair are practically the same colour now. 

“Lou - “

“Don’t know how I didn’t figure it out earlier,” Louis says, voice sharp. “Should’ve realised it.”

Liam can hear what Louis isn’t saying.  _I should have felt it. I should have known because I should have felt the echo._

“Leave him alone,” Zayn says, voice low but not angry. Not yet, at least.

Louis finally looks at Zayn. Liam can see how tense he’s holding himself. He sees how badly Louis wants to run, but he’s still standing there. 

Zayn is holding himself just as stiffly, hands stuffed into his pockets again. His eyes keep flicking back and forth between Louis and Niall. 

“You changed your number,” Zayn finally says quietly. It’s not accusatory, but Louis raises his chin like it was anyway.

“Number got leaked,” he replies woodenly. “You know how it is.”

“Didn’t change mine, though.”

“What, you really expected me to call? After all that shit?”

Zayn scoffs and Liam’s neck feels tight. “That was months ago and you deserved bein’ told off.”

“I’m not talking about your fucking  _Twitter,”_ Louis snaps. 

“What, then?” Zayn says without missing a beat, voice violent and angry.

Louis takes a step forward and Liam thinks maybe his really was a terrible idea. But Niall pulls Louis back, hands wrapped together and yanking Louis backwards.

“Knock it off, the both of you,” Niall snaps. “Lou, get your head out of your arse, all right? Zayn,” his voice wavers on Zayn’s name and it makes Liam’s throat feel tight, “stop acting like you’re above it all.”

Both Louis and Zayn turn towards Niall angrily, but Niall shakes Louis off and steps back. He folds his arms across his chest and looks at them both.

“Stop being fucking pricks to each other. You’re doing it on purpose and you know it.” 

Louis scoffs and Niall glares at him.

“You fucking  _know_ it, Lou,” Niall repeats. “You said you wanted the chance to talk things out?  _Really_ talk ‘em out? Here’s your chance, stop fucking it up.”

Liam’s afraid it’s too harsh. He’s afraid Louis will just turn and walk out. That just getting Louis and Zayn in front of each other isn’t enough. 

But he doesn’t. He glances at Zayn, still scowling and shoulders still tense. But he doesn’t move. He just keeps his eyes on Zayn. 

“If you want my number so bad, I guess you can have it,” Louis says. His voice sounds so sharp it’s acidic, but it’s just a front. Louis doesn’t want to get burned again. He doesn’t want to reach out and be shoved aside. He’s watching Zayn carefully and Liam wonders if he’s trying to get echoes off of Zayn - trying to figure out if he’s being genuine.

“Just so long as you don’t block mine,” Zayn replies and even though the words should sting, they sound soft around the edges. 

Louis watches Zayn carefully for a few long seconds. His jaw is sharp and his mouth is thin. Slowly, he relaxes. It’s not much, but it’s enough that Liam knows he won’t have to drag Louis out for making a scene.

“No promises,” Louis grumbles, but Liam knows he won’t.

Maybe Zayn will call and Louis won’t pick up. Maybe hey won’t text at all. Maybe there numbers will sit unused in each other’s phones until they have to change their numbers again.

But Louis is tapping his number into Zayn’s phone. A little harder than necessary and with a few more rude emojis than needed, but it’s something.

It’s  _something_. It’s a start. That’s enough, for now.


End file.
